So…I missed a day. However, being the anal person that I am, missing a day means making up the next day.
Before I can begin ruminating on the prompt for the day…I have to get this off my chest. I have to focus on this project in a way that focuses on the future and focuses on happiness. The past 10 days I have been slipping too much into the past and dwelling on past unhappiness. I’m not perfect – far from it, I’ve made mistakes in the past; however, I want to move into the future, having made my peace with those mistakes and keep seeking being the most authentic, happy person possible.
I want to live in the moment – I don’t want to regret what has happened – I am confident that I don’t. However, I haven’t found a way to not be embarrassed by the decisions I’ve made. I think this stems from not wanting to be judged by others. I take full responsibility for all of the decisions that I’ve made and where I am now as a result of them…I just don’t need anyone judging me or bringing it up. Maybe that’s too much to ask…and maybe it isn’t possible.
But with that said, I need to focus on the good parts of my days – the things that made me happy on a given day, in a given moment.
As I’ve typed this, I’ve gotten to observe my husband watch and laugh heartily at Austin Powers. That is awesome and puts a smile on my face. I also found a new ap today that allows me to plan my meals for the week, import recipes from websites and put together my grocery list. Amazing – and happy inducing. I got to sleep in, eat a fabulous breakfast, cook my husband a good dinner and watch the Golden Globe Awards. All in all – a fabulous day.
Golden Globe night will always hold a special place in my heart as it was two years ago the day that I first talked to my husband – talked on the phone a lot and make the first connections over the phone and via text that led to the most fabulous first date in the history of first dates. And more importantly led to a pretty fantastic life.
I can’t promise that I won’t have crabby, slightly down days like I’ve had today…because I will have them…but I can promise that I will try my hardest to see the good in every day and do the things that make me happy and that I find enjoyment in. Like writing, cooking, reading…the only thing that I”m missing today is knitting. But you know what, I’ve done a lot. And that is enough.