Day 29 – Your Personal Treasure Map

“A personal treasure map is a collage of your ideal life that you create as a visual tool to focus your creative energy in the direction you wish to go…When making your personal treasure map, think fun. Think delight. Think seven years old…Our deepest wishes are whispers of our authentic selves…Our wishes for the future, our hopes, our dreams, our aspirations are our truest treasures…The greatest secret to living a happy and fulfilling life is the realization that everything is created in our minds before it manifests itself in the outer world.”

This is a big one. This is putting into sight…onto paper the hopes, dreams and wants that are often caught up in our soul. They are things we consciously know and recognize…as well as the ones that are kernels waiting to be popped.

I’m pretty good at thinking things and visualizing them in my head…or at least the sentiment/feeling of them in my head. I think this is going to be much harder than it sounds.

One of my weaknesses…or one of the things that is hardest for me is to vocalize or verbalize what I’m feeling. Too often it is saying aloud what is bothering me…or what is wrong. I think this is two-fold…both recognizing something outside of my head or outside of within for fear that it will will bigger or worse than it sounds inside (you know what…often it isn’t…it’s way less horrible or not as big of a deal once it is outside) as well as the act of letting someone in to share it with.

Letting people in is not easy for me. It definitely doesn’t come naturally and it often feels like the opposite of natural when I have to do it. There are few people who truly know who I am…what makes me tick…what my fears are…what my hopes are… But, those who I do let in, well…those are my people. And thankfully I have a few of those people.

I think this outward expression…both of good or bad…as well as sharing it with others is one of my biggest tasks on this journey. It is one of those things that i know I need to address. I need to start softening my shell…making it easier for the words and ideas to get out. Maybe if I can cut them out…put them on paper…create them into being…well maybe it will be easier to talk about them…or show them to someone. Or just make it easier to let other things out.

Maybe this is the softening of the wall…the walls. The concrete, steel-reinforced, plaster over brick. All protected with lasers.

I like my walls…because they have helped me create boundaries…ones that i needed to get to where I am….but I have weaken them…make them penetrable so I don’t keep the good out. For far too long they have been too thick…to hard to get through, with a code only I know. Well, I want to figure out how to share the code…and maybe move from four separate doors with separate locks…to one or two. Because if you create too many locks….even the happiness can’t get in…and you keep the anxiety and fear from getting free.

Here’s to simplifying the fortress.

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