I’ve been doing a lot of introspection lately – catching up yesterday on a week of posts as well as a training at work today that fits in oh so well with Simple Abundance.
If you had asked me a week ago if I would be excited about this…or wanting to discuss it, I may have rolled my eyes…if I had the energy because I was in bed all day sick. But I’m excited. I think I’ve crossed a bridge with this – I’m officially 1/12 done and I want more. I didn’t push myself in January…or even find consistency with posting but I want to do this project right.
I know that one thing that I’ve been lacking is a sense of purpose for what I truly want and need – things for me. Not things that I want to do with my husband….or where I want us to go…but me. I’ve gotten in so much of a rut of focusing on others that it is exciting to broach being able to throw myself into focusing on myself. Not the focusing on myself that involves a hobby…I’ve picked up the knitting needles…but focusing on figuring out what makes me tick, what I enjoy doing and making myself do it. I need to push myself to carve out my personal life – finding enjoyment in the day-to-day at home…the things that force me to disconnect from work and get into the living that you work for.
I know that is where I have lacked in the past…and I don’t want to be that person any more. I want to follow the woman in the golden mirror – my authentic self. I want what she has…and I’m going to get there. I’m ok with living full throttle – with giving it my all to seek those moments – those glimmers of time where all feels well in the world. But I don’t want it to feel like everything just fell into place – that is too passive. I want to actively seek this out – I want to seek her….the more authentic me. And I know that I’ve found her – I just need to keep hiking up the hill.