Day 43 – Once Upon a Time You Trusted Yourself Part 2

So I basically skipped the true writing prompt for today…

“Try to travel back in time and imagination. See yourself at ten: at home, at school, and at play. Where did you live? Can you see your house or apartment, and the street? Walk thorugh the rooms in your childhood home. Waht did your bedroom look like? Who were your friends? Did you have a best pal? Who was she? How did you play? What was your favorite color in the Crayola pack? Did you play a musical instrument? Who was your favorite doll? Can you recall the scent of Play-Dough? What were your favorite foods? What subject did you like best in fifth grade? Can you remember? Try to recall yourself at ten in your daily dialogue pages.”

“Have fun with this exercise because age ten was probably the last time you trusted your instincts. You didn’t listen to the opinions of your mother, your sister, or your friends because you had your own.”

A side note before I begin. The next time I’m at my parents’ house, I NEED to find my 4th grade journal. I looked at it 10 years or so ago and I found the most hilarious entry about how A & K got T to swear. And I was vehemently against it. Both from the peer pressure side of things as well as the actual act of swearing. To say I was high-string and rule following from an early age would likely be an understatement. Long story short…I didn’t dig the swearing back then.

I think that entry – that feeling – really sums up what SBB is getting after here. The only reason I able to channel this reaction/this feeling in my tenish year old self is because of the journal that i had. I believe it was for school. And wow. Good two shoes if I was actually writing that in my school journal for my teacher to read. But I didn’t care. That was how I felt and I stood behind it 100%.

I had a solid group of 7 girlfriends growing up. They were my friends that I always came back to. The ones that had my back. I never really had a solid best friend in the group…I always kind of found myself as the odd person out. And I grapple back and forth this this one. I was definitely a loner at times…but I also got bored easily. But never with these girls. I did have good friends outside of this group – ones that I would get close with and spend a lot of time with…but then after a period of time, I would be done with it…drift apart and move on. However, these girls always had my back – I don’t think I necessarily disconnected…but I was usually always welcomed back in. And I love them for that.

We all had other good friends outside of each other but at the end of the day…and at the end of years…everything came back to our solid friendship. The core eight.

I had an awkward/unattractive phase that lasted probably from 3rd grade until the summer after my third year of college. Yep, I’m that girl. I mean, it’s embarrassing to look at old pictures of myself. I did have a good year in high school – my sophomore year – the last year that I played three sports: volleyball, basketball and softball, which really meant that I was working out hard with my team every day. I had no athletic skill in high school. No, i’m not being hard on myself…i really didn’t. However, I went to an incredibly small high school, one in which kids weren’t cut from teams. You may not play…or play very much if you weren’t good. But you weren’t cut. So, I really didn’t play. And that may have been tough at times, but i did like being on a team, being with my peers – being part of that special athletic “club.” Something that i definitely wouldn’t have been a part of if I was at a bigger school. Honestly, the coaches were awesome about it. There was only one coach, my senior year of high school – one of the softball coaches who was not very keen about me “taking up space” on the team. And fuck him. He was the only coach who didn’t subscribe to or buy into the everyone on the team approach/mentality. But luckily for me, the other coach was very supportive and that meant a lot.

I can definitely picture myself at that age. In 4th grade I played the recorder…in 5th grade I began playing the flute. Something that looking back now, I did excel at. I didn’t put in the time that I probably should have…partially due to dividing my time between band, school and sports. But I did do well.

My favorite food was pizza. hands down. I loved it then and I continue to love it now.

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