Day 50 – Rendezvous with the Authentic Archaeologist

I haven’t double starred any entries from SBB’s writing. How appropriate that is on Day 50…and the calendar day that corresponds with my mother’s birthday. Actually, in thinking for a moment about these memories and how much the wisdom of this post makes me think of my mother and the wisdom has given me…it’s eerie that this one shows up on her birthday of all days.

“Like the inner explorer who seeks adventure and the unknown, the authentic archaeologist knows how to unearth remnants of memory buried deeply in the fertile soil of the subconscious mind…The reason we want to awaken the authentic archaeologist is to excavate the real you…Today, become willing to remember…Whether you realize it or not, you have lived many lives, and each one has left an indelible mark on your soul…I’m referring to the episodic way in which our lives evolve: childhood, adolescence, college years or early career, marriages, motherhood, perhaps life as a single mother, widowhood and onward…Each life experience leaves a layer of memory like a deposit of sediment: things we’ve loved and moments of contentment we’ve cherished that when recalled, reveal glimmers of true selves. Some women are hesitant to recall their past because they’re afraid they’ll dredge up painful memories. But just as each illness brings a gift for us if we will look for it, so each painful memory comes bearing a peace offering. There is nothing to fear. The past asks only to be remembered.”

SBB – this is soooo my favorite post yet. Not to get whiney, but I wish you had included this one sooner. I feel like, in many ways, this sets the boundaries and the stage for what you are going to be covering through this journey. It’s going to be messy, hot, sweaty and long…and unpleasant. But that is part of the essence of the journey. You have to be uncomfortable, sad, unpleasant, and really messy to get to the end, find our authentic selves and find the contentment a life of simple abundance can give.

I know I was certainly there a few days ago – bringing up the memories of the recent past and processing my fears of having let others down when I could barely keep myself upright and moving forward…it was good to feel them. It’s almost like I was more afraid of delving into that time and those memories because I was petrified of what I would find. There are parts that aren’t pretty…that are certainly messy and I did thing that I would definitely change if I could go back in time. One of the themes – things I see in my life is that I will not make the effort to remain connected – I get so involved in the details of my own day to day life…simply moving forward that I forget to keep in touch, tend to the relationships of the people and things that truly matter.

I think with this project – identifying those things that matter – and, quite frankly, identifying that them as it weaves through my own personal narrative…along with the tools from 7 Habits, I can turn that ship around. I certainly can’t make up for the things that I dropped, failed to do…or those that I let down in the past. But I can be more conscious moving forward – try to avoid this problem before it happens in the first place. I want to be that nice, considerate, kind person is always there for you and doesn’t flightily dart into another room and forget that you were there in the first place. Nope. She’s gone. And I know that my authentic self doesn’t do that. If, just for one thing, finding the Authentic MrsYunker will be worth it.

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