Day 74: Loving Yourself Into Wholeness

Yes, SBB. Yes. I feel like this is something that we need to hear every damn day. Why is it that we cut out our own needs first or let them be the first to neglect them?  

I’m proud to say that in my two year pause from this project – this is what I worked on. I shifted my entire focus and my entire world view. I gave myself permission to be selfish and to focus on my own needs. It wasn’t always pretty and it didn’t always work out the way that I would have hoped, but I literally clawed out the time to indulge in activities that honored the authentic me and the person I wanted to actively become. Looking back – I can honestly say that I did a really good job.

I feel it can be dramatic or disingenuous to say that something saved me or someone saved me, but running saved me. I’m not a very athletic person, at least in the group sport sense, and I struggled to find an activity that allowed me to push myself and exercise and feel good about the process in the end. Growing up, I enjoyed softball, but my ability to truly perform ended in eighth grade. I was not able to successfully adapt to the fast pitch nature of high school softball. I’m ok with that. I went to a small school where everyone was allowed to play, despite their true lack of ability. I’m thankful to have gotten to participate, but I always had the nagging feeling that I was not viewed as a value add to the team. But that is sooo in the past.

With running – all you need to do is show up and give it your all. There is such a small segment of runners that are truly at the level where they can compete and go to the Olympics. What’s left for everyone else is running for the enjoyment and fun of it…and chasing a BQ.

Me, I’m here working out 5-6 times a week, doing my core work every damn day, and investing in my authentic self by setting out to achieve my goal of running a marathon. After that, who knows? But I’m a woman on a mission. And don’t stand in my way.

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